You are pregnant. You are now a mother.
It’s understandable if you feel uncertain, and are concerned about the future.
There are many unknowns, but know this:
It’s understandable if you feel uncertain, and are concerned about the future.
There are many unknowns, but know this:
Check out one woman’s journey, and the ten stages she went through, coming to terms with her unplanned pregnancy.
Two single moms tell their stories.
“What do you mean you’re not going to abort it? You should just get rid of it.”
3 weeks after I found myself staring at a positive pregnancy test, I found myself surrounded by people pushing for me to get an abortion. And I found myself listening to them. This was not what I had planned for myself and I have been surrounded by fear and confusion since I found out. The scorn and the judgement I’ve received has been overwhelming. I’ve spent more time hiding than I have doing anything else.
Then, a few days ago, I received a text from someone I didn’t even know. My sister knew this man in college and told him about the situation. I was greeted by comfort, support, encouragement from someone I didn’t even know. One of the first people to say, “You’re so brave for going through with this.” The reality of the situation has been overbearing and I know my life is permanently changed, but it is not ruined. Regardless of how this child came into existence, God allowed its life to be created. A new life. I’ve been so caught up in, “This wasn’t my plan.” that I didn’t stop to realize He knew, from the day I was born, that this would happen, whether I had or not.
In the midst of all the chaos and the fear, it’s been hard to put on a brave face and look at this from a positive point of view. But the bottom line is, this baby is a blessing. This is a life that has purpose and meaning. I am so confident of the amazing possibilities this baby’s life holds. I have been consoled and comforted by so many, even those I don’t know. This child will be raised and loved in an amazing home. Sweet baby, you have so much to offer the world.
One year. 365 days. 525,600 minutes.
One little plus sign changed my life forever. I remember so clearly sitting on the floor, staring at the plus sign thinking my world was ending. Fear, shame, uncertainty consumed me and I had no idea where to put any of those feelings. I tried telling myself it wasn’t true, it wasn’t really a baby, this wasn’t happening to me. I spent countless hours in my car, hiding. I remember calling my best friend, crying, telling him everything was ruined.
“I have known you for so long and I can’t think of anyone who will be a better mother than you, no matter what the situation is.”
A plus sign changed my world, but a sonogram changed my heart.
“See that little thump? That’s your baby’s heartbeat.” My first sonogram was at 7 weeks. I had to adjust to going through this without the one person I thought would be there to love this baby unconditionally with me. I was naive. I was scared. I was unprepared. I had no idea what the next year of my life held. I hid for months, I cried so much, I was afraid. But in that moment, I saw that little heart on the screen and I wasn’t afraid. I was in love. I was looking at a new life, someone I would love for the rest of my life.
One year later, and everything is so different. That little peanut I saw on the screen is rolling over. She giggles now. She’s happy, she’s healthy, and she’s beautiful. That’s my baby. I have come so far from the scared, timid girl who sat on the floor crying with a pregnancy test in her hand. I never imagined, in my wildest dreams, that this is where I’d be a year after I found out I was pregnant. My heart aches for the girl I was a year ago, wishing I could tell her what would happen in a year. Little did I know.
You were not something I could run away from. You were a part of me. Growing, moving, thriving inside of me and I am so damn proud of the little one you are today. I never understood love until I met you, and I’ll never be able to love someone the way I love you. You did not ruin my life, you changed my world. You gave me hope. You taught me to love. You helped me understand God’s infinite love for us, and I will never regret giving you life. One year down.
I can’t say that I considered all my available options for this pregnancy. I knew I wouldn’t abort because I knew that was not something I could do. I knew it had more consequences than people like to tell you. I was also raised Catholic and am still a practicing Catholic. Morally, for me, it was not an option. Adoption was talked about and we got a lot of information on that choice from our Crisis Pregnancy Clinic, but both the father and I struggled with having to give our baby up. We decided to go through with the pregnancy and keep the baby.
This all happened in a matter of 4 weeks or so. All the while the father and I continued to work full time and I continued with my college classes at the community college. We also really started to plan our future; we decided to go to counseling at a Crisis Pregnancy Clinic.
The hardest part about this pregnancy was definitely telling my parents. I knew that they would not hate me or disown me, but I did know that they would be very disappointed. They expected me to be responsible and to make good choices. Being able to look back now, I do regret waiting so long to tell them. I caused myself a lot of anxiety over the whole situation and actually, they were very supportive and still are to this day. They were disappointed, and they told me so, but they knew that I could go through with this pregnancy and that I would be a great mom. They also let me know they would be there to help me.
Honestly, after I told my parents it seemed that everything just kind of fell into place. I continued to work and go to school, finishing my prerequisites for nursing school. I continued going to Mass at my parish and luckily I had no negative encounters with any fellow church members. I actually had a lot of people come up to me and congratulate me! A woman at my parish pulled me aside after Mass once and told me that it was nice seeing me at church each week, as it showed I was still actively seeking out my faith and my relationship with God. She told me that doing that would give me a great foundation for being a parent and bringing my child into the world. It really made me feel happy to know that so many people cared about me and confirmed in me that I was doing the right thing.
Life continued on. I passed all my classes that Fall semester and started my Spring semester a few days before the baby was born. It worked out that I had all online courses the next semester and did not have as many classes to attend all together.
On January 15, 2015 I gave birth to a sweet baby girl. She is a beautiful and healthy five year old now. She loves anything Elmo, horses and dinosaurs and enjoys coloring all the time. She is incredibly smart and is by far the best cuddler.
After giving birth, I continued with classes at the community college and was accepted into nursing school starting that following January 2016. I graduated with my nursing degree in December of 2017 and I am now working full time as an RN.
The baby’s father is now my husband. We got married February 9, 2019. He is a great father and loves being with his children. We actually had another child in May of 2016. She is now almost four years old. She is unbelievably energetic and is always looking for a new book to read.
I can’t say that having an unplanned pregnancy and choosing to welcome the baby into my life has been easy, because it hasn’t been. It has had its ups and downs, has been very difficult at times and I had to make a lot of changes in my life because of it. But it didn’t stop me from moving forward with my goals and dreams. I was still able to be successful in school, in my career, and with my friendships. On top of it, I’ve evolved in my new role as a mother and wife. My life did not fall apart and wither away to nothing. Though having an unplanned baby was definitely a challenge, it’s been a challenge worth taking and I’d say I’ve come out victorious. I honestly love where it has gotten me so far, and I have never once regretted choosing life.
by Patty Onderko
Parenting.com
Groundbreaking new parenting research shows that a strong emotional attachment between a mother and her baby may help prevent diseases, boost immunity, and enhance a child’s IQ
You take your baby to the pediatrician for her regular check-ups, vaccines, and at the first sign of a fever. You keep her away from runny-nose friends and steer clear of the sun. You babyproof your home and gently bandage her boo-boos. All to make sure your child grows up healthy and strong. But compelling new research is showing that the strength of your emotional bond with your baby may well trump all of those other measures you take to help her thrive.
A close attachment can prevent diseases, boost immunity, and enhance IQ in your baby, says Deepak Chopra, M.D., the endocrinologist turned mind-body — medicine guru, Parenting contributing editor, and coauthor of Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives: A Holistic Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth. Those hugs and kisses are a force of nature more powerful than ever thought, says Dr. Chopra. Mother-child bonding has evolved to become a complex physiological process that enlists not just our hearts, but our brains, hormones, nerves, and almost every part of our bodies. On the following pages, you’ll see that process at work in 3-D images from TheVisualMD.com. (All of the images from TheVisualMD.com and associated research were made possible by a grant from Mead Johnson Nutrition, the makers of Enfamil.) Here, an inside look at how the bond forms, how to strengthen it, and why TLC may be more powerful than DNA.
There’s more evidence that we’re hardwired to connect with our kids: Pheromones — the chemicals we secrete to attract a partner — are also secreted by our babies, ensuring that we’re similarly smitten with them. In one study, 90 percent of moms were able to identify their newborns by scent alone after having spent as little as ten minutes with them. When the moms spent an hour with their babies, 100 percent of them correctly distinguished their own baby’s smell from the smell of other infants.
A baby recognizes his mother’s scent, too. Last year, researchers in Japan found that infants who smelled their own mother’s milk while undergoing a routine heel-stick procedure exhibited fewer signs of distress than babies who were exposed to the odor of another mother’s milk, formula, or nothing at all. The mere scent of their mother’s breast milk was enough to calm the newborns and ease pain. Here’s an interesting aside: The act of kissing may have evolved as an affectionate gesture because it puts our nose in direct contact with the base of our partner’s nostrils, where pheromones are generated.
Just as scent motivates you to care for your child and motivates your child to stay close to you, so too does a smile. In a recent study conducted at the Baylor College of Medicine, in Houston, brain MRIs were taken of women while they looked at photos of their own children and of other kids making sad, happy, and neutral faces. The scans found that when a woman saw a photo of her own child, the parts of her brain associated with rewards processing (meaning they make you feel good!) were activated, and even more so when she saw photos of her child smiling. It’s all very primitive: Mom make Baby smile, Mom get reward, Mom want to make Baby smile again.
The long and short of it: We’re designed to become addicted to our offspring. “The mother-child bond assures infant survival in terms of protection, nutrition, and care,” says Francesca D’Amato, M.D., a behavioral neuroscientist in Rome and a prominent bonding researcher.
But what about nature? Don’t genes have the central role in a child’s physical and emotional development? Well, maybe. But huge strides have been made recently in the field of epigenetics, the study of how environmental factors — everything from what you eat to how much you exercise to the amount of pollution you’re exposed to — can physically alter certain genes, causing them to, in very crude terms, switch “on” or “off.” Epigenetics explains why one identical twin might develop an inheritable disease while the other does not — turning the whole nature vs. nurture debate on its head.
The amount of physical and emotional affection a child receives is another one of those environmental factors that can influence genes. It works like this: Newborns are disorganized bundles of nerves. They literally don’t know what to do with themselves and they’re incredibly sensitive to hunger, temperature changes, pain, light?everything. They need to be held and soothed to help them regulate all the new sensations. Basically, they’re under stress, and it’s no news that stress is a physical burden. When we’re stressed, our immunity goes down and we’re more likely to get sick. When babies are consistently stressed, it can permanently affect their immunity. “Immune cells have memory of experiences,” says Dr. Chopra. Stress on a child (in the form of neglect or abuse) can alter the genes that control immunity because the immune cells will always “remember” the damage. A study last year of more than 9,000 adults who experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse as children found that a whopping one third of them were hospitalized for autoimmune diseases as adults, compared to only 8 percent in the general population. Childhood trauma imparted them with a 70 to 100 percent increased risk of developing certain conditions such as Graves’ disease, Crohn’s disease, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, and more.
So how do you develop this miraculous, mystical connection? It doesn’t always come naturally: What about the women who are too sore or exhausted or anxious to feel those surges of pleasure when holding their newborns or trying to learn to nurse them? The women who suffer from postpartum depression? The women with colicky babies who can’t seem to soothe them no matter how desperately they try? Women who adopt? Women who have multiple births or other children competing for their attention? It’s all okay if you don’t or can’t fall madly in love with your baby at first sight — or even until months later. You just have to do your best to care for him. “Bonding is not an instant glue — it develops over time and every family is different,” says pediatrician William Sears, M.D., author of The Baby Book and a father of eight. “Just because you didn’t hold your baby the first hour after she was born, or you didn’t breastfeed, doesn’t mean it’s all over.” In fact, if you care enough about your child that you are reading this article, it’s safe to say you’re doing your best — and that your best is going to be more than good enough for your baby.
Know, too, that it’s not just up to you! As a society, we frequently fail to give mothers the support they need, which also muddies the bonding process, notes Dr. Chopra. How can a woman be expected to establish a deep bond when she doesn’t have paid maternity leave and must return to work too soon after giving birth? In fact, the U.S. is one of the few developed countries that doesn’t mandate any paid maternity leave. “The responsibility is not just the mother’s,” says Dr. Chopra. “Her partner, family, neighbors, and coworkers all need to help ease her transition into motherhood. A mom needs time to herself to recharge; otherwise, she won’t be able to give her baby the quality of attention he needs.” And it’s the quality, not the quantity, that truly matters, he insists; you needn’t worry that working will interfere.
So ignore your e-mails and forget about the laundry. Don’t stress about vacuuming or entertaining guests. Let bonding with your baby become your priority. Lie around with her, doing nothing. Cuddle. Play. Dr. Chopra believes in “nourishing all of your baby’s senses” by holding her, massaging her, singing to her, using soothing scents (lavender, rose, vanilla), and showing her colorful, interesting shapes and objects. Remind yourself that you’re building a connection that will comfort both of you for years and years. And when you need a break, take one.
Dr. Chopra rhapsodizes about the start of the amazing journey that is the relationship between a parent and a child: “A single-cell embryo divides only fifty times to become one hundred trillion cells, which is more than all the stars in the Milky Way galaxy.” Once your baby is born, all the cells in both of your bodies act in secret synchronicity to create those simple but incredible connections between the two of you. But despite all of the science involved, it’s the power of your love — pure and simple — that can protect your child from illness, shape her future relationships, and rearrange her genes to her benefit. In a year or so, when you kiss your toddler’s boo-boo better, she’ll think you’re magical. And the truth is, you are.
Eating a healthy balanced diet benefits both you and the baby.
Benefits to the mother: it can reduce the incidence of anemia, fatigue and morning sickness. It is thought to help balance mood swings and may improve labor and delivery.
Benefits to the baby: it insures good fetal brain development, a healthy birthweight and can reduce the risk of birth defects.
A well-balanced prenatal diet includes:
Most of your nutrients should come from food.
Folic acid is very important during pregnancy, especially the first trimester, in guarding against neural tube birth defects.
Foods rich in folic acid are enriched spaghetti, spinach, asparagus, avocado, Brussel sprouts, garbanzo beans, lentils and beets.
Vitamin C is necessary in making collagen, a component of cartilage, tendons, bones and skin. It also helps your body fight infections and protects cells against damage.
Foods rich in Vitamin C are strawberries, oranges, grapefruit, lemons, papayas, kiwis, black currants, red bell peppers, chili peppers, Brussel sprouts, spinach and kale.
If you are concerned about getting enough vitamins in your diet, talk to your doctor about taking a multi-vitamin.
Calcium helps your baby grow a healthy heart, nerves and muscles. It also helps the baby develop a normal heart rhythm and blood-clotting abilities. In addition it can reduce your risk of hypertension, preeclampsia and osteoporosis.
Calcium rich foods include milk, greek yogurt or yogurt w/low sugar content, cheese, eggs, sardines, trout, broccoli, spinach, kale, okra and white beans.
Iron is used by your body to make extra blood, so it is a key ingredient in the second trimester when blood volume increases 40 – 50%. It is used to transport oxygen to all parts of you and your baby’s bodies. Getting enough iron will prevent anemia, which causes tiredness.
Foods rich in iron are red meat, dark turkey meat, lentils, beans, peas, pumpkin seeds, broccoli, spinach, quinoa and tofu. Meats are higher in iron. From a vegetable or grain source, more needs to be eaten.
If you are concerned about getting enough minerals in your diet, talk to your doctor about taking a multi-vitamin.
Stay hydrated! A pregnant woman’s body needs more water than normal. Aim for eight or more cups each day.
Daily exercise is great for most pregnant women. It helps you sleep better and may improve your ability to cope with labor. It promotes muscle tone, strength and endurance. However, during pregnancy, your body emits a hormone that relaxes your muscles and connective tissue. You have looser ligaments. Your center of gravity also changes. It is best to avoid deep knee bends, full sit-ups, double leg raises and straight-leg toe touches. These exercises can injure the tissue connecting your joints and muscles. Check with your doctor to find out how much physical activity is right for you.
An adequate amount of sleep, 7 to 8 hours per night, is important for you and your baby. In the first trimester, there is an increased secretion of progesterone during sleep, which is needed in a healthy pregnancy. A lack of sleep can lead to complications in your pregnancy, including preclampsia. Try to sleep on your left side to improve blood flow to you and your child. It may be helpful to place a pillow between your knees, under your abdomen and behind your back.
Women should get regular prenatal care from a healthcare professional. Routine tests are performed to rule out complications and ensure the health of mom and baby. Mothers who don’t get regular prenatal care are much more likely to have a child with low birth weight. Our Angels can help you find a doctor if you don’t have one.
There are certain foods that women should avoid eating while pregnant. Do not eat: raw or undercooked meats, liver, sushi, raw eggs (also in mayonnaise), soft cheeses (feta, brie), and unpasteurized milk. Raw and unpasteurized animal products can increase your risk of infection from bacteria or parasites including toxoplasma, E. coli, Listeria and Salmonella. These can cause birth defects. Fish that is high in mercury should be avoided as it has harmful effects on the nervous system, brain, heart, kidneys and lungs. These are: albacore tuna, swordfish, shark, king mackerel and marlin. A google search will tell you which fish is low in mercury and how often is should be eaten.
Women should not drink alcohol during their pregnancy and while breastfeeding. Drinking alcohol increases the risk of having a baby with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD). FASD can cause abnormal features of the face, head, joints and limbs, heart defects, severe learning disabilities, and behavioral issues. Babies who have this syndrome do not catch up later in life, even after receiving special care. FASD is the most common preventable cause of birth defect in the US. Alcohol can impact a baby’s health in the earliest stages of pregnancy so if you suspect you’re pregnant, it’s best to stop drinking alcohol.
Smoking is unhealthy for you and your unborn child. It restricts blood flow which in turn restricts the flow of nutrients and oxygen that flow to the baby through the placenta. Smoking also increases the risk of SIDS, (sudden infant death syndrome), low birth weight, premature births and miscarriages.
Caffeine is a stimulant, therefore it increases your blood pressure and heart rate, both of which are not recommended during pregnancy. Caffeine also increases the frequency of urination, causing a reduction in your body fluid levels which can lead to dehydration, which is not good for you or the baby.
Caffeine can be found in coffee, soft drinks, iced tea and chocolate.
It is recommended that pregnant women should not consume more than 200mg of caffeine daily. A high intake of caffeine, above 200mg daily, doubles the risk of miscarriage.
There is debate on whether artificial sweeteners, aspartame and saccharin, found in diet drinks and some foods are okay to consume during pregnancy. They are chemicals that can negatively affect your health so if you have a choice, sugar is the better option. However, sugar provides empty calories, so if you want to give the best nutrition to your growing baby, milk is a great option.
Cat feces carry a parasite called toxoplasma gondii. You can contract this by contact with cat litter. If you have a cat, have someone else clean the litter box. If a pregnant woman contracts toxoplasmosis, it can result in severe brain or liver damage to the baby. It can also damage the retina of the baby’s eye, leading to visual impairment or blindness. Avoid any contact with cat feces.
Though the effects of hair dye on the unborn baby is unknown, it is made of chemicals that are absorbed through the scalp and enters the bloodstream. To be safe, it’s best to color or perm your hair after only after the second trimester, and make sure you have good ventilation.
Hot water in hot tubs causes perspiration, which causes your blood to go to the surface of your skin rather than to your uterus. This puts the baby of at risk by depriving him/her of needed oxygen. It is best to take a warm bath.
Chemicals found in common household cleaners can be harmful to your unborn baby. Only use when you have good ventilation. If possible, use non-toxic cleaning products like white vinegar, baking soda and borax.
Avoid aerosol containers. Don’t use paint removers or solvents. Stay away from chemicals that kill weeds and bugs.
Lead is very dangerous to your unborn baby. It can get in the mothers blood stream and cross the placenta, affecting almost every system in the growing baby’s body. Lead poisioning can cause miscarriage and stillbirth, low-birthweight/poor growth, premature delivery, preeclampsia and later problems with behavior and learning. If you live in an old home, there’s a chance that the water pipes and paint on the walls have lead in them. If you cannot drink bottled water, let your water run for five minutes before filling your glass. Avoid paint that is peeling. Colored glossy newspaper inserts, magazines and metallic gift-wrap inks may also have a high lead content. Try not to handle these items frequently. Don’t use foreign made pottery for food or drinks and don’t drink from lead crystal glasses.